I'm just expressing my feelings

I am fat. And I don't like it when people give me the look when I talk to them. No matter how nice I will be. In their minds they will think that I am fat. My friends have told me this many times. In fact I was arguing with a friend last week and she said when we were in elementary school, everyone laugh at me for being ur friend because ur so fat. She said even though they said that ur fat I was still ur friend and i ignored everyone. That is what I call a true friend. She is my best friend now. And I also have more respect for her more than ever. Now that I think about it there were many times where my classmates made fun of me indirectly but I never understood it. Now thinking back I get all those jokes. "You played soccer? And wore shorts" like wow at that time I was confused but now I know what they meant. And the funny thing is I wasn't even that fat. I was average. My of my classmates and my so called friends had inside jokes about me which I found out about this year in grade 11. It broke me. To think I thought they were my friends. Anyway forget it. It's the past now. I was too inexperienced to get it. I just wish my friend had told me about it. Maybe I could have stood up for myself. Whenever I meet any new relatives or meet them after a long time they always have to comment on me being fat. Like I get it I'm fat. I'm aware of it. By u telling me that I'm fat is not a new thing. And u telling me to go on a diet or stop eating isn't helping. Don't u think that maybe I'm trying my best. Or that I don't watch what I eat. Do u think I like being fat. I just don't even know what to say anymore. It hurts me so much my aunt or uncle says that. I just want to cry. Sometimes at night I cry to myself thinking if I will ever be slim as I used to be. I am starting a new plan but I just needed to let that out and tell someone how I feel. I have kept this in me for so long. In my next blog I will share my plan. But to whoever that reads this I want to say one thing. I felt so good after saying all this. I don't care if no one reads it but I got it off my chest. And u know what I feel 10 times better than before. I may have cried while writing this but I can't explain how happy I feel telling someone how I feel. Thank you for reading this.